Senator Cornyn better back the f* up

Apparently Senator John Cornyn tried to make a funny the other day.

Here in Congress, protecting the American people and winning the war on terror is our number one priority. But has anyone also noticed there have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television? …. Think about it. And join me in watching this season of ‘24.’

Ok, first of all, Senator, you're much funnier when your dick is jammed down one end of a box turtle*** or when you're threatening judges.

Second, Jack Bauer kills terrorists and protects this country every single day. Every single day. That he's on TV. This is serious business, Senator. It's dirty, but someone has to do it so people like you can bask in the freedoms we enjoy. It's not funny, Senator, and I encourage you to deal with the situation with the gravity it requires.

Third, if we have to sell a state to China to get Jack Bauer released from prison or wherever he is, Texas is going to be right at the top of the list. I can't believe we fought a war for you, much less let you have representation in the halls of the United States Senate.


***Which end of the turtle, you ask? Friends, that's the beauty of turtles.